The Quest for Inadequate Completion

I have been a poet and writer for a long time. As long as I have been writing, really. But, I have this experience you may be familiar with...especially if you are neurodivergent...where I have an amazing idea...maybe even one that is pretty novel. But I either struggle to start it, or I start in a a flurry of inspiration, but then can't finish it. I can't tell you the amount of blog post topics that I have in a file folder on my desk! Some with essays begun, some just as notes. Somewhere in translation, the process just gets stuck. This translates to all sorts of things in life. Sometimes, when I go to sweep the floor, I will get the dust all swept in a little pile and I will be unable to get it into the dust pan, thrown out, and to put the broom and dustpan away. So close, but so far. Sometimes, I just can't start at all. I have all sorts of things like this all around my house. Half completed projects or, perhaps, I buy all the supplies, but don't ever start. Or perhaps I work on the project over weeks, or months, or years, or decades, or just keep the stuff in a box, telling myself I'd like to get to that...one day. There is some sort of expectation of perfection, or an attachment to something really amazing that I can feel in my head, but I don't know how to translate, or for which don't have the time, or interest, or inclination, or, perhaps, just dopamine. Perhaps, if I don't finish sweeping, then no one can say I did a mediocre or inadequate job, as I am not "done." And if I never finish, I will never be judged for my inadequate work. Pretty soon after not-completing, the dust pile and broom and dustpan can become invisible. My website, and blog in particular, is a great example. I've been so excited to share ideas in blogs! And, yet, there is so much resistance. Luckily, as my Loving Self energy and self empathy grows, I learn to turn towards my resistance with tenderness and understanding for the good reasons these parts in me exist. I have been spending time with the parts of me that hold fear, shame, and avoidance. I have cut a deal that me and my parts can experiment with completing inadequately and these parts in me get to recieve ample love and support, regardless of the critic's opinion of the quality of the work. In fact, they get extra points for shoddy workwomanship! So, here we are. Maybe this will remain a solitary post, no sibling blogs will ever arrive. And maybe, it can be the beginning of a gentle practice of experimenting putting something out that can be intentionally inadequate, and yet, I can declare it complete.

A Blessing

May (my and your) parts

that live in terror of inadequacy

be blessed with discovering

the soft landing

that can come with offering the world something feared inadequate,

and finding

there is no judge and jury for our value,

but rather, a steady loving state

of expansive presence

gently smiling with loving eyes at everything we offer,

welcoming it

as we are welcomed,

as a beautiful child of the universe.